The story of loosing my princess!

7th december 2012...Looking down at the pregnancy test my heart was pounding. I thought... What's he going to say? What's going to happen next! I picked up the phone and rang my fiancée Clive. He answered and I burst into tears. Fighting through them I told him! I'm pregnant!!! The phone fell silent and when the silence broke he said. I'm going to be a daddy! :) I stopped crying and reality hit me! We're going to be parents! This was my dream come true! I'd wanted too be a mummy for longer than I could remember! When I got home from work I sat with Clive and we talked about our future and our plans for our tiny little bean. We worked out our dates and worked out that I was around 4 weeks pregnant! We decided too tell his parents and my parents but waiting until we were face too face! We were so excited! :) Christmas came and went and we were waiting for our 12 week scan. The joys of finding out early. 30th of January we arrived at the hospital and they called us in! Excited was an understatement! They put the cold gel on my tummy and we sat looking at the monitor and there it was our baby. Actively kicking around! The scan picture showed a healthy happy active baby and the pictures were so clear! We left the hospital with the biggest smiles on our faces :) The weeks flew by and we started feeling our baby kicking at around 16 weeks. Before we knew it our 20 week scan came. My fiancée didn't want too find out what we were having but I couldn't wait! So I found out and he waited outside he came back in the room and we saw our beautiful baby kicking around! They showed us her heart and her lungs and every individual finger and toe, They told us she was healthy and they were very happy with her size and how her development was. I left the room with my fiancée smiling like a Cheshire Cat! We were having a girl and I always wanted a girl!!! We were 19+4 days pregnant at our scan! We had our midwife appointment at 22 weeks and the midwife had the Doppler out... She is sat perfectly she said her heart is strong and I can feel her kicking! Healthy baby girl you have there the midwife told us! And when my baby girl kicked she kicked alright. She was so active always moving and kicking! My bump was massive! And I flaunted it because my bump was my pride and joy!!! On Sunday 14th April 2013 I had worked a 12 hour shift and she didn't move as much. I told my fiancée I wasn't happy and we decided I should go too labour ward in the morning. My fiancée had to work so I took my best friend with me we decided we would spend the day together after they had checked my little girl was okay! We arrived at labour ward at 10:30 am on the Monday 15th April the midwife used the Doppler and tried finding little ladies heart beat... We could only hear the placenta moving around... Good sign she said. If the placenta is still moving and sloshing around then chances are baby will be too! I'm going too scan you to find where she's lying! Down in the ultrasound room they scanned my belly asking if I had fallen or hurt myself... No I replied is my baby okay?? Then the words that took my heart came! "I'm so sorry. I can't find your babies heartbeat I need to get a second opinion but I'm pretty sure your baby has passed away" the room turned into a blur and I screamed telling them they were wrong that I needed too see it for myself! It was true my baby girl was tucked up at the bottom of my tummy. Hands together under her head as if she were just asleep! Her heart lay still no life. I didn't want too leave that room. I wanted too go too sleep with my angel girl. I couldn't breath and they took me back to labour ward where I rang my fiancée. I'm so sorry we have lost the baby I told him. The next thing I knew Clive was in the room with me and the doctor was explaining what happens next! They took 20+ tubes of blood and waited for doctors too get tablets too induce my labour. My family came in and out but it was such a blur too me. I had too go home and pack away all of my baby girls stuff. Her cot set, her mobile, all of her clothes that I had bought... Whilst my sleeping angel was still in my tummy! 48 hours later on the 17th April I was back on labour ward having my labour fully induced! 6 hours later at 11:00pm with just gas and air my beautiful princess was born asleep into this world! Sadie Olivia Davies weighing 1.04lbs at 23+4 weeks. She was perfect! Her tiny little body was 30cm long and her little fingers and toes were just like her Daddy's!! Her little nose and ears were just like her mummy's :) I could have died right then and I wouldn't have even noticed! I looked too my fiancée who was holding our precious girl and I realised that our future, our hopes and dreams went too sleep when she went too sleep! The Chaplin came in and blessed our beautiful Sadie at her naming ceremony! My perfect girl slept silently in her tiny Moses basket next too her mummy and daddy all night. Holding her tightly I promised her the world... But she had heaven instead. We left at 5pm the next day and handing my angel back too the midwives was the hardest thing in the world!!!! 5 days later we went too her chapel of rest too see our beautiful angel! She was in a beautiful white dress and in her wicker basket... Just like a Moses basket! My beautiful angel girl was led too rest on 26th April 2013 at 2.00 pm in Oake Parish church! We sang our hymns and played our songs too out angel! Our beautiful girl should have been given the chance too live! And it breaks my heart every day knowing il never get too heart her laugh cry or talk! My angel is always with us night and day! And we love her so much. I have written this blog so that other mums can share their grief or memories about their angel babies. Thank you for taking the time and reading this.